If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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