He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
