one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize