I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Its about making memories worth repressing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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