i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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