I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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