omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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