Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize