I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
