some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize