omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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