You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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