Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
