i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
