I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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