I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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