he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
