if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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