There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
