You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
