Im at strip club and am horny
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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