so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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