so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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