he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
