We're like a lot better than the average bears
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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