dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
