Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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