I just made out with a guy for $7.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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