i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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