For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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