I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
