if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
