I think my vagina is haunted
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
