Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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