After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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