Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
