I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize