I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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