i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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