So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
