it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
