I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
