so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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