She said her name was "party"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
