Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
