So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
