I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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