my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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