You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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