My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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