the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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