I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
