I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
