if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
