i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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