I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
nutella sex= disaster
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize