It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
