haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
