I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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