So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
