I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
