you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
