Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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