You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would ride that face into the sunset
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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