exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize