So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
