I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
