Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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