Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
