I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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