You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
