it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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