two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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