there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
