you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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