yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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