Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
