I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
