put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
