so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
