he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
