i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
