Screwed.edu
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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