my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
