Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
