I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
