Soap is not a condiment
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
