Where is the hickey?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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