After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
