i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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