Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize