walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Randomize
