i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
