Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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