i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
