nut hugger
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
