You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
